please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have aggressive nipples.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
