does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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