People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
