dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
