My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
