All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
