We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
BRING THE BAGELS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
