I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
