so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
