can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
