i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She bit a glass in half.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
