i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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