I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
