Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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