Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
