ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
