please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
