If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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