If i come over, it means nothing
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
