hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
