According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
