you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
