Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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