And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
