TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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