can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
