think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
