if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
