Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
