so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
