and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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