Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's blow job season.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
