whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
