Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
