how can u be prego again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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