She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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