idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
