Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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