I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
