Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
