In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
