Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
