I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
