The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
