Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
