Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
