just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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