I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
