Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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