So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
