Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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