just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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