Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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